'Now with more sauce' and other news

This is my charity shop loot from yesterday's morning shopping in Edinburgh. I've decided to go with some color.

I bought most of these intending to make them into cushions, draft stoppers, and other household items.

But it makes it much harder to cut up an item of clothing when it actually fits me. So the red and green doughnut-festooned (Swedish!!!) skirt will have to stay a skirt.



These others will become a draft stopper or two.

Meanwhile, I've found some more British products that need discussion. I have recently eaten not one, but TWO tree-branch-themed foodstuffs. Without any further ado:

For the faggot loving family.



These were like large, flat, goopy meatballs. They were tasty, but a bit too squishy. Good with mashed potatoes and peas, though.



And our perennial party favorite, marmite-flavored twigs.



Sorry, I can't show you what they look like because we ate them all. They are salty and delicious.

All together now: 'ONLY IN BRITAIN!!!'

A Matter of Taste - Brilliant or vile?

We took a wee break last week from A Matter of Taste, or You Could Never Sell That in the U.S. But I have four -- count them -- four disgusting crisp flavors for you this week! Ignore the IRN-BRU; it's just there for effect.



I'm used to eating smelly foods. I love a ripe French brie that smells like unwashed sweaty feet on a hot day. I happily munch on raw onion, garlic olives, sardines and wasabi peas.

But if you're looking for an easy route to bad breath ... these potato crisps are the way to go. Here's the rundown (clockwise from top left).

1. Walkers’ German Bratwurst Sausage flavour. Disgusting. Tastes like how I imagine dog food tastes. Vaguely meaty and weirdly oniony. Couldn’t finish them.

2. Walkers’ Pickled Onion flavour. Oniony, vinegary, on the strong side, but not distinctive. As it says on the package, you will cry tears of pickled onion joy. Sounds so... appealing, doesn't it?

3. Brannigans’ Roast Lamb and Mint flavour. Tasty, and a good hearty texture. The flavour was kind of subtle, but they were good, and no funny aftertaste like with the Walkers. I wouldn't necessarily choose these, but they were pretty edible.

4. Walkers’ Prawn Cocktail flavour. Not as bad as expected. Kind of vinegary; they've gone completely overboard on the potassium chloride. I’m eating them but I feel a stomach ache coming on if I keep going.

The verdict: For me, the quality had more impact than the flavour itself. The Walkers' crisps were thin, heavily seasoned, and had a strange, chemical aftertaste. The Brannigans', in contrast, were thick-cut, gently flavoured and tasted more natural.

I don't think these bizarre flavors would sell in the U.S. but I could be wrong... there are plenty of artificially flavored products sold there. It might just be a case of needing the right approach.

In fact, Walkers' flavoured crisp list includes 'American Cheeseburger' which I intentionally avoided. Some things sound too repulsive even for me.

Would you try these?

A Matter of Taste - Fruit flavors

This week's product for A Matter of Taste, or You Could Never Sell That in the USA!



Blackcurrant, rhubarb, and gooseberry yogurt 6-pack

The British seem to have a taste for sour fruits. Tart apples, sour plums, elderberries, currants, gooseberries, tangy strawberries.

I guess it makes sense -- the fruits that grow on this northerly island don't get very sweet. The blackberries I've picked here, at the end of the season, though black, were extremely tart. There just isn't enough sunshine to ripen them fully. The sweetest fruits I've picked here have been the raspberries.

It's when it comes to fruit that I feel most like a displaced Californian. What would the most ordinary, run-of-the-mill, 3-pack of yogurt flavors be in the U.S.? I'd guess strawberry, peach and mixed berry. Sweet, predictable and unexciting.

In the UK, it's these three. I love these yogurt flavors -- but I can't see them selling well in the United States for some reason.



Blackcurrant has never really caught on as a flavor in the States. In Europe and the UK you can get blackcurrant candy, ice cream, juice, tea, cough syrup, jam, yogurt, anything that comes in a fruit flavor.

I do actually think that blackcurrant-flavored anything is an untapped mine of market potential in the U.S. But then what reason would Americans have to travel to Europe if they could buy blackcurrant-flavored products at home?

Rhubarb... well, Americans love strawberry rhubarb pie, but that's about the extent of it. I could be wrong but I just don't see rhubarb becoming popular in the U.S., at least not on its own. In the yogurt, the rhubarb appears as pale, mauve-colored stringy masses with a tart flavor. Tasty, but not very nice looking.

And then there's gooseberry. Stop and think. Have you ever eaten a gooseberry? They're very appealing, in their own way. Spiky, hairy, green, slimy and full of seeds inside, and, predictably, SOUR!

And now think about how you're saying it. Have you been saying GOOOSE-bare-ee (like I still do despite repeated correction)? Oh no, no, no, that's all wrong. I haven't quite got the hang of it yet, but it's something like GUHZ-bree. Brits, if you're reading, feel free to elaborate. It's a complex vowel sound that I'm afraid is beyond me.

It's possible that the gooseberry is the most British of the three flavors. Weird looking, sour, seedy, green and pulpy -- what's not to like? It's one of my favorites.

The verdict: Fantastic! These yogurts are my favorite standby for breakfast or a snack.

What do you think? Could these yogurt flavors fly?

A Matter of Taste - A Curious Pudding

Welcome to our third week of A Matter of Taste, or You Could Never Sell That in the USA!

Our first two products, Scottish Pride Coloured Family Cheddar and Yorkie's 'It's not for girls' chocolate bar, were selected for their politically incorrect packaging. This week, it's more about health concerns (and squeamishness).

Here we have a staple part of the 'full Scottish breakfast', served in hotels and B&Bs across the country --



BLACK PUDDING

Ingredients: Beef fat (43%), seasoning (Oatmeal, dried blood, wheat flour, salt, spices), water, dried blood, ox liver (5.5%)

The smell wasn’t pleasant when it went in the pan, and I tried to keep the cooking smell from getting all through the house, but didn’t manage to contain it. Yeeech. Kind of... animal stench.

I took the photo before it was cooked, so you don't really get the full effect of what it looks like when it's served.

I had a hard time getting myself to try it, but when I did – it wasn’t bad. It tasted a lot better than it smelled. I managed to eat a few bites accompanied by rice and stir-fried vegetables.

It was oily black, crumbly, crunchy and fatty, and had a distinctive flavour, sort of sausagey but not quite. Have I sold you on it yet?

The verdict: Not bad tasting, but I won’t be putting it on the menu. A product made primarily of fat, blood and liver just doesn't scream 'appetising' to me.

And I think most Americans would be revolted at the thought. Is it that we're squeamish about organ meats (more on this at a later date), more health conscious, or simply pickier about our sources of saturated fat? Tell me if I'm wrong!

This is another dish best left to the Scots, along with all those other ridiculously fatty local favorites -- deep-fried sausage rolls, Scotch eggs (cooked eggs wrapped in sausage and breading and deep fried), deep-fried bacon rolls... you get the idea.

There are a few reasons why the Scots are one of the least healthy populations in all of Europe, and poor diet is one of them.

A Matter of Taste - The Manly Factor

Our second installment of A Matter of Taste, or alternatively, You Could Never Sell That in the USA!



YORKIE’S ‘IT’S NOT FOR GIRLS!’


Where to start? The ‘no-girls’ icon (with handbag) in the ‘O’ on the front of the wrapper? The snide and derogatory tone of the motto on the side? (Click photos to enlarge.)



No company could market this candy bar in the U.S. That's my claim; I could be wrong. While sexism is far from eradicated and still rampages its way through women’s careers, families and homes, sexual experiences, personal safety and daily lives everywhere, I don’t think it’s quite acceptable enough to create a marketing campaign around. Or is it?

There’s plenty of sexist marketing in the U.S. I’m sure most people could come up with a few examples. It’s just that this is so blatant.

I’d guess there would be the typical arguments in its defense: ‘Can’t you take a joke?’ ‘It isn’t meant to be serious.’ ‘It’s just a silly chocolate bar. Lighten up.’

But... there’s more. This wrapper isn’t just blatantly sexist, it’s subtly homophobic as well. ‘Girls’ here can be heard as a stand-in for sissy, weakling, ‘fag’, or wimp. ‘You throw like a girl’, ‘you run like a girl’; ‘don’t be such a girl’.

A ‘girl’ according to this line of reasoning is the worst thing to be or to resemble. Even girls shouldn’t want to be girls. With handbags... eeeewwwww.



The package isn’t saying ‘Not for females’. Not at all. Do you hear the undertone here?

There's a word for this: MISOGYNY.

Even though these were on sale for two for 75p, I only took one. Then I made Andy eat it. He said it tasted like a cheap chocolate bar.

The verdict: Nothing but an offensive motto distinguishes this chocolate bar from the rest of the cheap set.

Note: No one’s masculinity was compromised in the making of this product review.

A Matter of Taste - The cheese factor

Here I unveil a new photo series that's been tumbling around in my mind for a little while now... A Matter of Taste, or alternatively, You Could Never Sell That in the USA!

Our first photo, and the inspiration for the whole series:



COLOURED FAMILY CHEDDAR


In the U.S., put the words ‘coloured’ and ‘family’ together and you’ve got an African American domestic arrangement. At first glance, it sounds like this cheese is marketed especially to black families, which is just plain silly.

But... it’s more than that. ‘Colored’ (I’m going to spell it the American way) as used to refer to people just ISN’T USED these days, and I think it would be heard as offensive if it were. The word alone conjures up inescapable visions of segregation and Jim Crow laws (think colored drinking fountains, colored lunch counters, colored waiting rooms, etc.).





Segregation was legal, standard practice and widespread, even until the 1960s. There's no forgetting this ugly history.

When I first picked up this cheese, I showed it to Andy, saying ‘Oh my god, look at this, you could never sell this in the U.S.!!’ His reaction was ‘What? What’s the problem?’ Obviously the word doesn’t have the same associations here.

The verdict: There’s nothing wrong with this cheese, it’s just the packaging.

If you wanted to sell this in the U.S., I think it would be called ‘Family-size Cheddar’. The whole ‘colored’ part is moot because ALL cheddar in the U.S. is orange anyway. If you want anything else you go to a froo-froo gourmet natural foods co-op and look for the ‘white cheddar’.

And let's not go into the implications of naming a cheese product Baby Loaf.

Next week: The ‘manly’ factor